Supporting Parents Through Baby Loss
As a doula and midwife, I’ve had the honour of walking alongside parents through many different experiences of birth — moments of joy, challenge, and, at times, profound loss. Baby loss is something that touches far more families than many realise, yet it is still surrounded by silence. My hope in writing this piece is to offer comfort, understanding, and gentle guidance — both for those who have experienced loss themselves, and for those wishing to support someone they care about during this tender time.
Each year in October, Baby Loss Awareness Week gives space for reflection, remembrance, and compassion. It’s a time to honour babies gone too soon — through miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death — and to hold the families who carry that loss in their hearts and minds every day. For parents, baby loss can bring a profound silence — one that others may not always know how to respond to. But gentle support, shared remembrance, and open conversation can make a huge difference.
💗 Understanding the Grief of Baby Loss
Pregnancy and baby loss can occur at any stage — from early miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy, to late miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death. Each experience carries its own layers of grief and complexity. Some parents may have had only a brief moment of connection, whilst others hold vivid memories of labour, birth, or time spent with their baby.
Regardless of gestation (weeks of pregnancy), the bond formed and the sense of loss are real. For many, it follows weeks or months of anticipation, planning, and love — and its absence can leave an immense emotional and physical void.
Grief after pregnancy or infant loss can present in many ways: profound sadness, guilt, anger, shock, or detachment. Some parents may experience symptoms similar to postnatal depression or post-traumatic stress. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and responses often fluctuate over time.
What remains constant is the need for acknowledgment, understanding, and compassionate support. For anyone supporting a bereaved parent, remember that your presence is far more valuable than perfect words. Simply showing up — quietly, kindly, and consistently — can help them feel less alone in their grief.
🌿 Ways to Support Bereaved Parents
1. Acknowledge Their Loss
Use their baby’s name if they shared it. Saying, “I’m so sorry you’ve lost your baby” validates their reality and grief. Avoid phrases that begin with “at least,” which can unintentionally minimise their experience.
2. Offer Practical Help
Simple gestures — preparing a meal, helping with household tasks, or sending a message that says “I’m thinking of you” — remind parents they are not alone. Let them lead the way; grief often changes daily.
3. Create Space for Their Story
Parents may wish to talk about their baby — their hopes, memories, or how they feel today. Listening without interruption or advice can be one of the most powerful forms of support.
4. Remember Key Dates
Anniversaries, due dates, and Baby Loss Awareness Week can be emotional times. A text, a candle emoji, or a small message can offer huge comfort: “Thinking of your little one today.”
5. Connect Them to Support Networks
There are wonderful UK-based organisations offering specialised care and peer support:
SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) – www.sands.org.uk
Tommy’s – www.tommys.org
Petals (The Baby Loss Counselling Charity) – www.petalscharity.org
The Miscarriage Association – www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
Encouraging parents to reach out when they’re ready can help them find community and understanding.
🕯️ Ways to Remember a Baby Gone Too Soon
During Baby Loss Awareness Week, many families take part in the Wave of Light on 15 October at 7pm, lighting a candle in memory of every baby who has died. It’s a simple, powerful act of unity across the world.
Other meaningful ways to remember might include:
Planting a tree or flowers in their baby’s name
Creating a keepsake box or scrapbook
Writing a letter to their baby each year
Donating to a charity that supports bereaved families
Taking part in remembrance walks or events in their local area
Each act, big or small, keeps love present.
🌈 If You’ve Experienced Loss
If you’re a parent who has experienced loss, please know you are not alone. Grief can be unpredictable and deeply personal, but your feelings are valid. Support is available — whether through counselling, peer groups, or simply sharing your story when you feel ready.
Baby Loss Awareness Week is a time to honour your baby, your journey, and your ongoing love. Their memory continues through you.
Final Thoughts
Supporting parents through baby loss is about presence, not perfection. Whether you light a candle, listen to a story, or simply hold space, your compassion creates connection — and connection brings healing.
Let’s use this week, and every week, to speak their names, share their stories, and show that no one walks this path alone.
FAQ: Baby Loss Support - Answering Your Questions
Pregnancy and baby loss can feel isolating, and it’s normal to have many questions. Whether you’ve experienced loss, are supporting someone who has, or are simply learning, this FAQ addresses some of the most common questions about miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death in the UK.
As a doula, I aim to provide guidance, reassurance, and practical suggestions, helping families feel seen, supported, and connected to the right resources. 💛
Q1. What is the difference between miscarriage, late miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death?
Loss can occur at many stages of pregnancy and early life:
Miscarriage: usually before 24 weeks of pregnancy.
Late/mid-trimester miscarriage: loss little later in pregnancy but before 24 weeks.
Stillbirth (UK definition): a baby dies before or during birth after 24 completed weeks.
Neonatal death: a baby is born alive but dies within the first 28 days of life.
Each stage carries its own emotional and physical experiences. Understanding these distinctions helps families access the right care, support, and legal guidance.
Q2. What are my legal rights and obligations after a stillbirth or late pregnancy loss in the UK?
If a baby is stillborn (after 24 weeks), you must register the stillbirth with your local registrar. Bereaved parents may also be entitled to maternity or paternity leave, bereavement leave, and statutory pay, depending on employment status. Health professionals can guide you through paperwork, and charities such as SANDS or The Miscarriage Association offer clear advice on navigating your rights and available support.
Q3. What emotional or psychological support is available after pregnancy loss or baby loss?
There are many support options:
Charities and helplines: SANDS, Tommy’s, Petals, and The Miscarriage Association offer counselling, peer groups, and guidance.
Bereavement doulas: Doulas trained in loss support can provide ongoing, non-clinical care — listening without judgement, helping parents process their experience, and supporting them emotionally through the days and weeks that follow.
Specialist midwives: bereavement midwives provide emotional care during hospital stays, follow-up appointments and future pregnancies.
Therapists and counsellors: trained in perinatal loss support.
Community support groups: online or in-person groups where parents can share experiences and feel less alone.
Q4. Can I ask for a post-mortem or investigation if a baby is stillborn to know why it happened?
Yes — after a stillbirth, investigations can help understand the cause. Options may include:
Full post-mortem (autopsy)
Placenta and cord examinations
Blood tests or other lab investigations
Knowing the cause can provide emotional closure and, if parents wish, guide monitoring or care in future pregnancies. Your care team (midwife, obstetrician), should discuss options with you and support your decisions sensitively.
Q5. When should someone seek professional help for grief or trauma after baby loss?
If feelings of grief are overwhelming, persist beyond several weeks, interfere with daily life, or include symptoms of depression, anxiety, or PTSD, it’s important to reach out. A GP, bereavement counsellor, mental health services, or specialised baby loss charities can help. It’s okay to ask for help — grief is natural, but you don’t need to face it alone.
